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I discovered this atrosity about a year and a half ago when walking through
the action figure aisle in a local toy store.
Now, let me start at the beginning. I'm sure most of you know who spider man is, but for those of you who don't here's a brief description. Peter Parker, photographer for a newspaper in New York, is bitten by a radioactive spider when sitting in on a science experiment at college. This incident left him changed forever. He now had the strength to lift things many times his own weight, he could climb on walls, he could leap high into the air, and he could now detect danger with his new found "spider sense". He decided to do what any normal person would do in this situation..... he made a costume and went into pro wrestling. One night after a match, a burgler robbed the arena and ran past Peter on his way out. Parker did nothing to stop this man, and in turn the man killed his uncle Ben. Distraught and struggling with feelings of guilt and rage, Peter Parker did what any normal person would do in this situation..... he invented some web shooters and became the popular comic book and cartoon star Spider Man.
Now that we're all on the same page, let me get to the point of this seemingly aimless tirade. While in a toy store about a year and a half ago, I noticed something in the action figure aisle that bothered me emmensley...... Street Warrior Spider Man. Now, Spider Man has inspired many toys in his carreer, most of which made sense. Street Warrior Spider Man, however, does not. Allow me to describe him. Spider Man is wearing a ripped T shirt, torn Jeans, and a tattered leather jacket. He is also wearing one, yes that's right just one, shoe. Now, for those of you who haven't caught on to why this is such an atrosity allow me to clear it up. Peter Parker must remove his street clothes to put on the Spider Man costume. In the comics and the cartoons he leaves his clothes in diffrent places and comes back for them later. So why would he take off one set of clothes, put on the costume, and then put another set of dirty, torn clothes on over the costume? Simply put, this toy is by far the biggest waste of plastic I have ever seen. It's redundant and it doesn't make any sense. I honestly don't know what the creators of the toy were thinking. Well, they were probably thinking of making money, but I sincerely hope noone bought the toy. I will end this rant with a request: if you see this toy around, don't buy it. Don't even touch it. If, however, you have to buy this hunk of utter crap, please do so with the intention of taking it home and burning it, thus ridding the world of this menace. Thank You.
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This is original work by Michael Kurz, do not reproduce without his consent